


i'm a deer in your headlights

by humanluke



Series: slutty scholar au [3]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Feelings, M/M, Slut Luke Hemmings, Valentine's Day, i'm just projecting again, past trauma, this isn't necessarily angsty but it's heavy i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-18 12:34:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29368569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/humanluke/pseuds/humanluke
Summary: luke is overthinking, and he's supposed to go on a date.
Relationships: Luke Hemmings/Calum Hood, Michael Clifford/Ashton Irwin
Series: slutty scholar au [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2153763
Comments: 6
Kudos: 21





	i'm a deer in your headlights

**Author's Note:**

> three parts of slutty luke in one week who are they! i cannot get enough of these babes. as always, thank you to [my wife brooke](http://blackbutterfliescal.tumblr.com) and [molly](http://staticsounds.tumblr.com) for all your love and support and also to [amanda](http://lifewasradical.tumblr.com) for being such a good friend to me. this is a little projection heavy and just heavy in general, but nothing triggering! once again, title is from Holly (Would You Turn Me On?) by All Time Low. Enjoy!

Luke is pretty sure this is what being nervous feels like.

He’s not sure he can recall the last time he's felt this way. He’s done hundreds of presentations in front of large crowds, hell, he even did theater for a bit in high school. But none of that compared to the feeling that’s been building in his chest over the last couple of days that he’s pretty sure is nervousness. 

Calum has a way of making him feel differently in a lot of ways. After their night together, it left him feeling more empty and hollow than even the lowest of his lows. Being with him made his heart swell, whether it was just grabbing coffee or sitting on his couch watching shitty television dramas. 

Something about Calum possessed him to see the world in a whole different way. And maybe that’s why he was so nervous — sure, it was likely partially because of the fact that they were going out on a date for Valentine’s Day of all things — but it was also seeing the world through new eyes. 

He’s starting to think that maybe being in love in New York City isn’t such a terrible thing. (If you can call whatever it is that they are doing love.) 

Luke was definitely certain he hadn’t been nervous since he was in high school for a date (and looking back, he’d had every right to be nervous, but that’s not the point). They were just going out, just the two of them, and there wasn’t anything inherently scary about that. But this was also their first date, so that didn’t help much either. 

Luke’s also pretty sure he doesn’t remember a time when he went on more than just a first date. (Not because of how busy he was with school, mind you, but because of his reputation.) Maybe that’s why he’s nervous — he’s afraid that Calum is going to take him out and realize he’s not worth all the effort and then he’ll lose him again. 

And Luke’s certain he can’t take another heartbreak from him. 

“All your pacing is interrupting my concentration, Lu,” Ashton says, pulling Luke free from the swirling contents of his mind. He didn’t realize he was pacing, and he stops dead in his tracks in the middle of their living room. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so tense before. Do you need something to take the edge off?” Ashton raises an eyebrow at him as he looks at him from his spot in front of the stove. Luke is reminded that Michael is coming over for the two of them to have their first Valentine’s Day dinner that’s just for them. Luke thinks back to the last few years, how they’d all had dinner together, the three of them, and reflected on how shitty the dating scene was at college. 

The thought of his friends moving on without him sends him spiraling again, and his feet are moving without him commanding them to do so. 

“No, no, I’m fine,” Luke says softly, and no, he’s not fine, but he will always pretend to be fine. He’s always been a pro at it. He brushes blond curls out of his face as he checks his watch for the time. Calum’s going to be here in ten minutes. He has ten minutes to get his shit together or Calum will turn around and leave him for being like this, he’s certain. 

“Dude, you and Calum hang out all the time,” Ashton says with a laugh from his spot in the kitchen. “You don’t have anything to worry about. You know you’re going to have a good time no matter what. He likes you, Lu. I’ve never seen you so naturally happy than when you’re with him. So why are you so uptight?” 

“If I had the answer to that question, I don’t think I would be pacing,” Luke supplies, forcing himself to stop by seating himself at the breakfast bar. “I don’t know. Just… nervous, I guess.” Ashton turns towards him and gives him a gentle smile, facing him from the other side of the breakfast bar. 

“It’s okay to be nervous, Lu,” Ashton reminds him gently. “Honestly, I’m glad to see you nervous. It looks good on you, in a way. Means you care. Means something’s actually at stake for you, you know?” Luke brushes some crumbs left over from breakfast off of the counter. 

“I guess so,” he says softly. He suddenly feels very small, like he’s a child again, here in the kitchen with Ashton, and for the first time, Luke feels like the dynamic here has changed. He doesn’t know when it happened, or if he likes it yet. His quiet spiraling is stopped by the sound of the door opening, and he looks up to see Michael stepping through the door. He sighs softly, looking down at his hands tapping nervously against the wood of the breakfast bar. 

“Oh, hey, Luke, didn’t know you’d still be here,” he says as he kicks off his sneakers in the doorway. “Don’t you have a hot dicking scheduled for tonight?” Luke laughs lightly, trying not to think too hard about the lighthearted way that Michael means the comment. Ashton gives him a look, and Michael softens a little bit. “Or… not?” 

“No, no, I have a date with Calum,” he says easily. “Just… nervous, or whatever.” Michael raises his eyebrows a little bit and gives Ashton an inquisitive look, to which he shrugs in response. “You two know I’m right here, right?” He sighs a little bit, sliding off of his chair and pulling his sweater over his head. “I’m gonna go wait for Calum outside.” Michael opens his mouth in protest but Ashton takes his hand, effectively quieting him. 

“Text me to let me know you’re safe, okay?” Ashton asks. Luke nods as he grabs his keys off of the hook before heading out the door. He makes it down the stairs to the front entrance before he realizes it’s flurrying out, and he sighs softly, knowing his sweater isn’t going to keep him warm enough. He hopes whatever Calum’s picking for them to do is indoors, because he doesn’t really want to freeze his ass off tonight. (But he might consider it for Calum anyways.)

He hovers in the entryway for a few minutes before he sees Calum coming up the street, effectively bundled up. Luke thinks to himself how stupid he is, how he wishes he at least had the common sense to grab at least another sweater, but he doesn’t want to disturb whatever Ashton and Michael are up to. The energy tonight was weird -- he’d never had an encounter where he’d felt like such an outsider in his own home. He hopes he doesn’t keep feeling that way. 

He steps out of the door, sleeves pulled over his hands as he waves to Calum, who immediately frowns at him. “Where’s your coat, babe?” he asks, meeting him at the bottom of the stairs, hands shoved into his pockets. Luke shrugs slightly, trying not to show how cold he actually is as he makes his way to the bottom of the stairs. 

“Forgot to grab it,” he says with a shrug. “Besides, I don’t necessarily believe in coats.” Calum shakes his head a little bit, shrugging off his actual coat to reveal his leather jacket underneath, shrugging that one off as well. He holds it out to him as he shakes his head.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do with you, Hemmings,” he says affectionately. “Here, take my jacket, it’s cold outside.” Luke flushes, and he’s not sure it’s just because of the cold. He reluctantly takes it and pulls it on, warm from Calum’s body and smelling strictly of him. It’s a welcome aroma, and he wishes he could be wrapped up in it all the time. He watches as Calum pulls his other coat back on, holding his hand out to him. “Come on, we have a date to go on.”

Luke offers him a little bit of a smile, relishing in the way he’s engulfed in all things Calum as he steps down off of the stairs. “Okay,” he replies softly. He doesn’t know if it’s the way that Calum takes his hand, gingerly like he cares so much, the fact that he gave him his precious leather jacket, or just his frayed nerves, but Luke finds his cheeks are wet and he’s crying and he feels so fucking stupid as he sniffles and tries to hide it by wiping the tears out of his eyes as fast as he can.

Unfortunately for him, Calum is quite astute, and he can tell something’s off. When he turns and sees Luke, he’s certain he’s done something wrong, quietly trying to think of what he could have possibly done. “Hey, hey, what are you crying for?” he asks softly. One of his hands comes up to caress Luke’s cheek, his thumb brushing some tears away, and Luke just cries a little harder. He’s a lost cause by now. “Hey, it’s okay.” 

Luke can’t believe himself right now. He’s in the middle of the sidewalk with the one person that he might actually have very real, very scary feelings for, and he’s crying. On Valentine’s Day. He knows for certain that Calum isn’t going to want to keep him now. He’s too weak, too vulnerable underneath his exterior that he tries to keep up every day. He never should have let himself become nervous -- that was his first mistake. 

But Calum doesn’t leave -- he just pulls him in, one hand in his hair, the other soothing over his back through his jacket as Luke continues to cry quietly, pressing his face into Calum’s shoulder. Tonight was supposed to be special for them -- but he’s just gone and fucked it up, like he does with anyone he lets get too close to him. 

Luke’s not sure how much time passes before he pulls back, face wet and cold, tears freezing on his eyelashes as the snow continues to fall around them. Calum brings his hands up to his face, wiping any remnants from his cheeks as best he can with a gentle smile. “Feel better?” Luke swallows before nodding. 

“Yeah,” he says, voice small. “Sorry, I… we haven’t even gotten started and I’ve already ruined the night…” Calum shakes his head, grabbing Luke’s hands and squeezing them as he swings their arms gently. 

“You could never,” he says softly. “If you don’t want to go out, we don’t have to. We can go back to my place and get take out and watch a bad movie and just talk. Or we don’t have to talk at all, if you don’t want to. Or we can still go out. But the place I was going to take you to isn’t going anywhere. We have all the time in the world to go wherever you want.” He squeezes Luke’s hands again, reassuring him that he’s still there as he smiles softly. 

“But… our date… Who knows when we’ll have time…” Luke looks at him, almost disappointed in himself. But he never knows when he’s going to feel like this. It comes out of left field. “But sitting on your couch eating chinese sounds… really nice right now.” Calum smiles softly, leaning up and kissing the tip of Luke’s nose. 

“I have tomorrow off too, we can go then,” he offers. “As long as you feel up for it, yeah?” Luke blushes at the affection, and he almost feels like he’s going to cry again from the amount of small affections Calum has given him. 

“Yeah,” he says, voice watery. “Sorry, just... You’re the first person who’s… really cared. In a long fucking time.” He sniffles a little bit, and Calum squeezes his hands again. 

“And you’re that for me, too,” he says, his voice just as soft. “But now we have each other. So let’s go order too much food and watch a really bad movie. I’ll even let you pick and criticize the writing the whole time and I won’t complain about it.” That makes Luke smile a little bit wider.

“That’s the perfect date to me.”

**Author's Note:**

> come find me on [tumblr](http://cakelftv.tumblr.com)!


End file.
